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  ‘Oh, Mary, thank you so much.’ And again, he thought he’d never heard her treat her staff with such gratitude before.

  Todd tried to keep out of the way, as Katie was being treated for what you would have imagined were ninety-degree burns rather than too much sun. However, he made himself useful, fetching them drinks and organising dinner for the three of them.

  When Marcus delivered it, he seemed surprised to see Mary there, eating with them, and Todd took the opportunity of being alone with him to explain.

  ‘She got sunburn on the yacht. Mary’s taking care of it.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘I don’t see what’s wrong with Mary eating with us, but your boss might not agree. I’d really appreciate it if you kept this to yourself,’ Todd asked kindly.

  ‘Anything for you.’

  Todd was stunned. He was sure that Marcus had winked at him before walking off.

  14

  Special Love Resort Cocktail

  While you are staying with us, we strongly recommend you try The Lover, The Love Resort cocktail especially created for you. The recipe was devised by a world-famous mixologist, and we believe it encompasses romance and combines it with a delicious, refreshing drink. If you enjoy this cocktail then you may purchase the recipe exclusively from the gift shop and take home some of the romance that you enjoyed while you were here.*

  Guest Handbook

  *The cocktail is exclusive to The Love Resort, and although you have permission to reproduce it in your own home you may not sell the recipe on to anyone else.

  *

  Thea had given up. She woke up from her nap at six; Tim was nowhere to be seen. She’d dressed quickly and, like the previous night, she’d made her way to the bar. There she had been greeted by the rest of the competition winners, all drinking with Tim. She wasn’t annoyed—well, she was a bit—but she’d had a drink and reminded them that they ought to get changed for the dinner with Anne-Marie. Tim told them to get changed quickly and by seven they were all back in the bar. It was clear that Tim was trying to get everyone wasted. Thea had given in to the ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ theory and she was drunker than she had remembered being in a long time.

  The bar was rather like a hut with a straw roof by the side of one of the swimming pools. They were all perched high up on bar stools, leaning on the wooden bar for support. Tim looked handsome, Thea reflected, in his striped shirt and his good pair of trousers. It made a change for him not to be wearing jeans. He had even got some smart shoes on; as if he’d made the effort. She was proud of him; of being with him. But then she was also drunk.

  ‘You know, we’ve got to have this dinner,’ Jimmy said. Thea could hear the panic in his voice.

  ‘Are you all right?’ she asked.

  ‘I feel drunk.’ Jimmy looked at his shoes and then looked at Emily, who seemed oblivious to him. Thea smiled at him sympathetically. Emily was clearly drunker than he was; she seemed unable to focus on anything.

  ‘Food will sober you up, have another one,’ Tim said.

  ‘I’m not sure I can, I feel a bit pissed,’ Carla announced.

  ‘I’ll have one,’ Lee said.

  ‘Can you imagine her face when we all turn up wasted? It’ll turn as pink as that thing she was wearing,’ Thea giggled. She was feeling naughty and rebellious. She slipped off her sandals and wiggled her toes in the warm air. As the evening wrapped itself around her, she felt happier than she had in ages. She had to let go of things, relax more, enjoy herself. She giggled; she was really enjoying herself. She remembered back to when she always had fun.

  ‘Let’s propose a toast,’ Tim announced dramatically. ‘Here’s to Anne-Marie the pink, and the bloody good idea of all-inclusive.’

  *

  ‘So, is everything ready?’ Anne-Marie asked Ed as they left their house for dinner.

  ‘Yes, darling, I phoned and checked. Abigail is being escorted down as requested and Lily will join us. Tonight you get to know your competition winners.’

  ‘And aren’t they lovely? I think they are the best winners we could have had.’

  ‘Um, yes.’ Ed had to hand it to his wife: she was totally consumed with these people in a way she’d never been with her paying guests. She had never made him spy on them.

  Anne-Marie, Lily, Ed and Abigail stood in the private dining area.

  ‘I thought you said that you told them to be here at eight sharp,’ Anne-Marie seethed.

  Ed knew that she had planned to make her customary entrance. She expected them all to be waiting for her. She was the celebrity and they were meant to worship her. But instead, they had thrown the doors open to an empty room and it was quarter past eight. Ed braced himself for trouble.

  ‘I did tell them,’ Lily replied defensively.

  ‘Well, you obviously didn’t stress it enough. Oh God, I don’t know why I bother paying you ridiculous amounts of money for your limited talents. I should just do everything myself.’

  Abigail cringed; Ed bit his tongue; Lily coloured. Ed was used to such outbursts but poor Lily was always hurt by them. Anne-Marie scowled at them both and ordered him to go and find the competition winners.

  ‘Now, I shall go and wait in one of the rooms next door. When they arrive, you may notify me.’ She turned to go. ‘Oh, Abigail, darling, I am so sorry for you to have to witness this.’

  Abigail remained silent, but Ed noticed her looking at him with what he thought might have been sympathy.

  Ed approached the bar. He thought about trying their rooms but on the way he heard a loud and unusually raucous noise and followed that. He spotted them immediately; the couples had undergone a dramatic transformation. Tim was behind the bar, pouring drinks into a cocktail mixer, much to the dismay of the barmen. Lee sat on a barstool near him, enthusiastically pointing at the bottles for Tim to use. The others, scattered around the bar, were making a racket and they were obviously drunk. And, Ed noticed, they were also receiving looks from the rest of the guests—and not approving ones. He made a sypathetic grimace at the guests in a lame attempt to placate them, then turned to the youngsters.

  ‘Guys, guys, you’re supposed to be at dinner.’

  ‘Really? And who might you be?’ Tim demanded, holding up his cocktail shaker victoriously and letting some of the blue liquid seep down the side.

  ‘It’s Ed, you idiot.’

  ‘Oh, fuck,’ Lee said, sliding off his stool and stumbling as he tried to stand up.

  ‘We might not be quite ready for dinner. You see, we might be drunk,’ Tim added, attempting to leapfrog over the bar but landing spread-eagled on top of it.

  ‘Are we very late?’ Jimmy asked.

  ‘Over half an hour. You really should come.’ As he said this, Ed wondered if that was right. Anne-Marie would freak out when she saw them, and for some reason this made him want to laugh, despite the trouble ahead—as he or Lily would certainly be blamed. Employing his best school-teacher impression, he managed to round them up, and lead them away.

  Abigail and Lily stood open-mouthed as Ed led the couples in. They were all swaying or, at the very least, unsteady on their feet. Apart from Jimmy, who looked petrified.

  ‘Um, we should get Anne-Marie,’ Ed suggested, looking at them. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  ‘Right.’ Lily made to go. ‘Oh shit, I can’t do it.’

  ‘I’ll go,’ Abigail offered.

  Ed looked surprised. ‘Are you going to warn her?’

  ‘I think I’d better, don’t you?’ Abigail winked at him, and Ed wondered if events could get any more bizarre.

  ‘Perhaps if we sit them around the table, then it might not be so noticeable,’ Ed suggested, and they set about doing just that.

  ‘So, shall we have a drink?’ Tim asked, plonking himself down on a chair and rubbing his hands together.

  ‘We should wait for Anne-Marie,’ Lily told him.

  ‘Bugger Anne-Marie,’ Tim shouted, as the woman herself made her second gran
d entrance.

  Anne-Marie cringed, and then told herself to keep calm. So, he’d had the cheek to say bugger her, shown her total disrespect, but she had no option but to let it go. Holiday high jinks, that was all it was, she kept telling herself, after Abigail’s warning.

  ‘Good evening. Now, as we’re late, I think we should get on with dinner.’ She took her place at the head of the table and looked around her.

  This wasn’t right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Her gorgeous people were too drunk. No one got this drunk in her novels. They sipped on champagne or cocktails, but they didn’t get like this. ‘Will everyone be drinking water?’ she asked, with a threatening edge.

  ‘Why on earth would everyone be doing that?’ Tim asked, looking really confused.

  ‘I was thinking that perhaps water with our meals would be perfect,’ Anne-Marie pushed.

  ‘Well, I for one would really like some red wine,’ Lee said.

  ‘How about we order some wine and some water?’ Abigail suggested.

  ‘Fine,’ Anne-Marie replied, intoning it was anything but. How had this happened? Apart from Jimmy, her gorgeous young people all looked sweaty, flushed and dishevelled. They were characters in her book—she was about to start writing it, in fact. But tonight they were unsuitable as anything. She took a deep breath. This would not be allowed to happen again.

  Wine was brought in, with the first courses hot on its heels. When Ed had ordered the wine, she’d asked for the food to be hurried up, hoping it might sober the little buggers up.

  ‘Shall I give you some advice?’ Tim asked.

  ‘Me?’ Anne-Marie was shocked. Not only did they look awful but they were awful. Where did this leave her book?

  ‘Yes, of course you.’ Tim waggled a fork at her.

  ‘What sort of advice?’ Abigail asked.

  Anne-Marie shot a hurt look at her publisher; she sounded as if she was encouraging him. She shook her head; she must be imagining things.

  ‘Well, it’s about this place, really. You see, it’s very nice, which I am sure you know, but the problem is the bar. The barmen seem to think that they should only serve drinks that they know about and, to be honest, for a five-star resort, I don’t think it’s good enough,’ Tim explained.

  ‘I don’t quite understand,’ Anne-Marie replied, anger boiling up. She counted herself calm. It was their third night, they were young, and they’d had a bit too much to drink. Perhaps it was something to do with jet lag.

  ‘What he’s trying to say,’ Lee continued, ‘is that the barmen only serve the drinks they know, and it’s not very imaginative.’

  The competition winners fell about laughing; their host had no idea why. Nothing remotely funny had been said.

  ‘So what drinks are you suggesting?’ Anne-Marie pushed the words out through gritted teeth. She wouldn’t let them get to her. By tomorrow they would be her perfect competition winners again. Somehow, she would make sure of it. Or Ed and Lily would, anyway.

  ‘Oh, I really liked the Blow-Job,’ Emily said.

  ‘The what?’ She felt a nerve in her neck pulsing.

  ‘It’s called the Blow-Job, or the BJ for short, and it’s bloody amazing,’ Tim explained. ‘I’ll give you the recipe. Just between you and me, Anne-Marie, I am a bit of a cocktail connoisseur,’ Tim smiled.

  ‘What...?’

  ‘I really liked the Cunnilingus,’ Carla added.

  ‘That’s what all the girls say,’ Tim replied, laughing so hard that he choked.

  ‘What was that one I liked?’ Jimmy asked timidly. ‘You know, the last one you made?’

  ‘That was the Anal Sex. Illegal in some countries, but highly enjoyable.’ Tim laughed so hard that this time he fell off his chair.

  ‘Oh shit, sorry,’ Thea said, trying to pick him up.

  Ed, Lily and Abigail had visible tears in their eyes; Anne-Marie had nothing but anger in hers. She stood up; she had to put a stop to it now, before her novel was completely ruined.

  ‘I will not have my resort tainted by this filth. You...you won a competition to be here, and you are my guests. I have extended lovely hospitality towards you and this is how you repay me. You have been here a matter of days and you have offended me, shown me no respect and I will not have it.’

  ‘Oh God, I am sorry,’ Emily hiccuped and then began to cry.

  ‘Look what you did,’ Lee started, pointing a finger at Anne-Marie.

  ‘I did? What I did? I am not staying here any longer. You’d better buck your ideas up pronto or there will be trouble.’ Anne-Marie had steam coming out of her ears as she turned to leave. She would go, and when she saw them next they would be back to the way she wanted, needed them to be.

  Anne-Marie paced her room. What had happened? How had this happened? Her perfect couples were drunken, rude, sewer-mouthed, and not at all perfect. She wondered why no one had come after her. She knew that Lily and Ed would probably be trying to get the drunks fed and into bed, but Abigail saw how distressed she was, and she should have rushed to be by her side. She was indisputably pissed off at the fucking freeloaders; she would not let them ruin her resort or her novel. No, she would not. They were her characters, and they would behave the way she demanded. She had to ensure it, otherwise her book was doomed.

  *

  ‘Em, don’t cry,’ Jimmy slurred. He felt awful, and a little worried. What if they were in trouble? He was also upset that Lee had stuck up for Emily when he should have done. He blamed it on the drink.

  ‘Yeah, she’s just an uptight bitch,’ Thea said.

  Jimmy looked at her with surprise, she sounded so angry.

  ‘Well, perhaps we should apologise,’ Carla suggested, looking at the others.

  Jimmy was relieved someone else was voicing his thoughts.

  ‘No, what we should do is give her an Anal Sex. That’ll sort her out.’ Tim fell off his chair a second time and everyone, Abigail, Ed and Lily included, finally let their laughter flow.

  15

  Your All-Inclusive Holiday

  Now you have arrived, you can put your money away. If you choose, you need not spend another cent or penny at The Love Resort.*

  The resort offers you as much as you want to eat and drink, extensive activities, entertainment and spa treatments.

  Please see listed in this handbook everything that is available to you and indulge, indulge, indulge!

  Guest Handbook

  *All-inclusive does not include purchases from the gift shop, phone calls, some spa treatments and The Love Resort raffle, and food and drink are limited to what is available on the menus.

  *

  ‘I will not have it,’ Anne-Marie screeched.

  Lily, Ed and Abigail had all been summoned.

  ‘Listen, darling, they were probably overexcited. I’m sure that today they’ll be perfectly well-behaved,’ Abigail reasoned.

  After Anne-Marie stormed out, the six winners had kept them in stitches with their ridiculous cocktails and their ideas for the resort. Ed, Lily and Abigail had all stayed with them, being entertained. No one thought about Anne-Marie at all.

  ‘Abigail, with all due respect, even taking that into account, not only did they get drunk and upset the bar staff by trying to do their jobs, but as soon as they left the horrific dinner, they all ended up in the pool, fully clothed, and no one is supposed to go in the pool after seven p.m. I made that clear at the welcome meeting.’

  ‘They’re young,’ Ed said. ‘That’s what young people do.’ There was an accusatory hint in his voice.

  ‘Not the young people I expected, not the young people I wanted. And I have to report that one of them, I don’t know who, broke the padlock on the bar last night and stole bottles.’

  ‘It’s all-inclusive; you can’t steal something that’s all-inclusive.’

  ‘Well, then, Ed, in that case it’s vandalism. All-inclusive does not mean breaking locks.’ Her voice had reached its highest pitch.

  ‘Do you want me to talk to them?
’ Lily asked. She had no idea what was going to happen next. It was becoming clear that the looks that Anne-Marie wanted were there, but not the pliable personalities. They could put it down to the drink, but she was sure that something was off. For example, she could have sworn she saw Lee winking at her and checking her out last night. One thing that she was sure of was that spying was going to be increased, perhaps for different reasons this time.

  ‘Well, I don’t see what choice I have,’ Anne-Marie sneered. ‘I need them in line. What will Todd and Katie think?’

  ‘Well, they probably won’t know about it.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘They have their private bungalow, they don’t really venture out.’

  ‘That’s not the point. They are supposed to be dining in public at some point and if they come across this behaviour, then they’ll think that the resort is trashy.’

  ‘Let’s give it another day or so. Last night could have been a one-off, after all.’

  ‘Let’s make sure it is. Otherwise I am holding you responsible.’ Anne-Marie pointed at Ed and Lily. Lily wasn’t surprised.

  ‘Perhaps if we keep a closer eye on them...’ Ed suggested.

  ‘Well, yes, that’s exactly what I expect you to do. And also, I expect you to find a way to make them behave as I want them to.’ The anger in her eyes showed that she was far from joking. ‘Today, you make sure you know where they are. If they put a foot wrong then I want to know about it. Todd and Katie will have to wait. And tonight we shall all be watching them. Is that clear?’

  ‘Yes, darling,’ Ed replied.

  Lily nodded. How they were supposed to control these people she had no idea, but she also knew she had no choice but to try.

  *

  ‘My head,’ Thea moaned as she opened her eyes.

  ‘It’s a lovely head,’ Tim replied, snuggling up to her. All at once she felt warm and safe. He made her feel safe, she realised. Despite everything. Despite him being unsafe at times.

  ‘What happened last night?’ Thea made to sit up. ‘Holy shit.’ The room was filled with bottles of various kinds.